According to Tod Maffin, it's day 37 of the CBC lockout. Andy Barrie & Co. will give up their spot on CIUT at the end of this week. This may just be the first year I make it to Word on the Street, and now CBC employees are locked out. At least they'll have Kevin's tent. Hooray for Kevin!
So politicians, especially American, especially Members of Congress, get riders put onto legislation as a condition for voting for that legislation. As a result, a bill to require Corporations to be responsible for oil-spill clean ups could conceivably contain a clause authorizing billions to be spent drilling for oil in the Alaskan wilds. Or better yet, it could contain a clause giving Exxon a giant subsidy to transport oil as close to the rocky coastline as they can bring 'er.
Celebrities, surprisingly enough, are a little bit clearer in their intentions, at least as much as their riders don't so seemingly frequently defeat the purpose of the overall contract. There is no Britney clause that says "if you want me to sing, I won't sing" (And yet, if you think about it, this is not impossible).
So here is my rider (or at least the start of it, until I can think of more):
1. I require a dressing room at least 30' by 15' that has a big brown leather library chair, a queen size bed with crisp pastel coloured sheets, a desk and suitable mood lighting.
2. In said room, there must be a wifi laptop with internet access faster than the speed of light. If it goes funny all of the sudden I must have a technician with a 50 second response time.
3. And speaking of calling, I need one of those cool brushed chrome old-style phones from the pottery barn and a blackberry.
4. There should be a variety of bath products on a table to the side, including, but not limited to, Lush's Big and Narcotic, Bath and Body Works antibiotic foaming hand soap and some other Bigelow things that I can't think of right now, but you better get right.
5. I need one of those chairs you sit in to get a pedicure and someone to give me a pedicure.
6. Which reminds me, none of the service providers I interact with can have known my mother before 2001.
7. I would like to eat Mediterrean Lasagne a la Boston Pizza for dinner. I would like a multigrain sesame bagel with veggie lite cream cheese for breakfast. I would like to have fresh chocolate chip cookies for some time in between.
8. I would like a clause requiring a prohibitive tax on all cans, bottles and fountain poured Coca-cola.
9. I would like to be able to ask George Bush a couple of questions without any advisors present.
10. I would like Michael Moore to document No. 9.
11. I want Suzie to be the new lead singer of INXS.
12. A frozen Strawberry Margarita would be nice.
13. VH1 and CNN and Donny Deutsch and Nancy Grace and Miami Ink and CSI (Las Vegas) and The National, the real National, with Peter Mansbridge.
14. My dog must be treated like the prince he is. That means he needs a fuzzy pillow, a bowl with clean water, some kibble and Charleebears and a belly rub every 15 minutes.
15. I still think Allan Rock would have been a good PM.
16. Oh yeah, and world peace, yada yada yada.
17. A clear and undeniable victory for Team Aniston.
And if you give me all this I'll do ?????.
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